Chapter 5 - The Cry of The Heart Only I Can Hear
The last day of March marked our first day of school.
Today was the school's annual ceremony where retiring teachers and new teachers were introduced.
Well, this ceremony takes up a precious day of spring break, so many students criticize it and many think about not attending.
However, today is also the last day to spend time with current classmates, so those who have a sense of attachment to their class will come to school willingly.
From my point of view, who comes to school almost every day during the vacation period, a special day like this would be no different from a normal day.
Then I heard a pleasant story.
"Kurusu-san, hasn't she changed lately?"
"Yes, yes! I think she's easier to deal with than before."
"Well, even as usual, there are still many things that are a mystery to me."
"Hahaha. That's right, that's right~"
Several female students laughed as they talked about it.
From this incident, it seemed that her classmates were no longer avoiding her as they had been.
It's been about two months since I started interacting with her, so I think it's the result of her efforts to take action little by little.
When I walked by her class, I looked at her without her noticing. Her expression was still blank, but she didn't seem to have a negative aura anymore.
Some students were talking to each other, and Kurusu approached them.
【Collect the assignments】, it seemed like she was doing what Sensei told her to do.
...She is indeed very serious.
Seeing her try so hard, I felt something rise inside of me, but I didn't try to talk to her and just walked past her class.
I'll send her a message with my cell phone later.
While I was thinking about it, Kirisaki came over and patted my back.
"Ritsu, you look a bit happy."
"Am I?"
"Maybe you don't notice it, but... your expression looks relaxed and easy."
"Eh, seriously?"
I rubbed my face and pinched my cheeks.
She thinks I look happy and my expression is relaxed, but... huh?
I felt normal, nothing sagging or anything.
Or did I just not notice? No, I don't know either.
"Hey, do I look that weird?"
"Um, not really."
"...Mn?"
"After what happened before, I thought you might feel lonely."
"You realize that, huh...gosh."
"Sorry, sorry. Because from your reaction, it looks like my guess was right."
She ruffled my hair and smiled happily at me.
I turned my face away from Kirisaki, frustrated that my feelings were so predictable.
"Fufu. Ritsu turned out to be a little feminine."
"...Is that bad?"
"No, not at all. In fact, I feel relieved."
"Relieved?"
"Well, doesn't this Ritsu look very wise? You're so calm and mature, as if you're not the same age as me. You always seem to radiate the aura of "I will not show my weakness"."
"..."
"But Ritsu also has a sweet side. I feel closer to you."
Kirisaki also smiled at me happily, and I just replied, "Shut up", irritated.
I acted like a sulking child.
And as if to show that everything she said was true.
"Yeah, but you know, you and Rurina aren't separated for life, so why don't you try talking to her again?"
"I won't do it now. A sudden visit from someone from another class would create a complicated atmosphere, wouldn't it?"
"Ah, that's right. It might attract people's attention."
"Right? Now is an important moment for her to make a good impression, so I don't want to cause unnecessary trouble."
"I see. But we can also get closer to her, right?"
I understood what she meant.
It's just that if we get too involved, her world will become smaller.
Her hard work should be appreciated.
...Eh? So how was the relationship between Kirisaki and Kurusu after that day?
I was curious, so I decided to ask her.
"Hey, has Kirisaki not talked to Kurusu since then? You two seemed very close before."
"I have, you know. Rurina is friendly and always runs up to me when she sees me."
"Haha. Just like a little puppy."
"You're right. She's so cute."
Thank goodness. It turns out they are still communicating.
If they can just get along now and continue to communicate, then it should be fine in the future.
Okay, okay. Things are going well. I'm looking forward to what will happen in the future.
"So you and Kurusu are already friends, right?"
"Umm. Maybe?"
"Well, why are you asking me back...so not yet?"
She said it in a harsh tone and I tilted my head.
I didn't want to interrogate her, but when Kirisaki looked uncertain, she made a face as if she had trouble saying something. But then she said,
"I can't say, but at least I know that we know each other."
"There's a meaning to what you're saying..."
"Well, I'm not the only one who can say that Rurina and I are already friends."
"Hmm... So there's a lot going on, huh..."
"Yes, yes. A girl's heart is deeper than the ocean, just so you know."
I looked at her face as she made this strange bluff.
I was sure she didn't want to talk about it.
She didn't feel pressured by my gaze, and somehow she winked at me mischievously.
But she must have been embarrassed after doing it herself.
Because her face turned a little red and she pinched my waist.
"...Oi, that hurts."
I said and she coughed on purpose and then looked out the window.
"Ah, but it will definitely be difficult from now on."
"Difficult? Yes, you're right."
"Ritsu must think the same way. She's so cute, I'm sure the boys won't leave her alone. So far, they've been avoiding her just because of the bad rumors, but now that she looks more and more approachable."
"Well, inevitably. The more people get involved, the more trouble there will be."
"Yeah, right..."
After talking about it, Kirisaki and I returned to our class.
If she does not get involved with anyone, she will not have any problems.
That's natural, because there's no possibility of that happening.
On the other hand, the more friends we have, the more likely we are to get into trouble.
But that's inevitable.
And it's by overcoming those things that we can grow up.
Sooner or later something will happen.
And then... it comes suddenly and without any signs.
"You know what? Kaburagi-san. I heard Kurusu-san got into trouble."
We should be more careful when things seem to be going well.
That's the law of the world and the reality of life.
And it looks like my bad hunch was absolutely right.
"Kurusu got into trouble...?"
While Hinamori and I were preparing flowers for the retiring teacher, I asked her about what she had said.
"Isn't it too soon?", I was surprised and worried at the same time.
Is she...okay?
Just as I was about to leave the classroom and go to her, Hinamori stopped me and said, "Don't worry, we've solved the problem".
"Oh, it's done...don’t surprise me."
...Thanks God.
I was worried about Kurusu's mental state if she got into trouble so quickly.
Even if it doesn't show on her face, Kurusu is a person who cares deeply about her surroundings.
I sighed and stroked my chest.
"Huh? Why does Kaburagi-san look so worried?" (What a disappointment! It seems that Kaburagi-san and Kurusu-san have an unusual relationship! It looks like they're dating in class during spring break! Ugh~! I'm jealous~!)
"..."
I just remained silent and looked at Hinamori.
As usual, I could only sigh when her thoughts buzzed.
"Well, we're not bad friends. So of course, I'm curious."
"You have a special relationship with her, right?"
"Never mind. So what happened?"
When I ignored her, Hinamori said, "Idiot!" and puffed out her cheeks.
Then she started talking about what happened this morning.
"Kurusu-san somehow broke up a fight between two classmates. They are good friends."
"Isn't that a good job for her?"
"Of course! Kurusu-san stepped in as soon as their fight started and stopped it. I heard that the fight was pretty rough, so she's very brave~"
"I see...yes, that's very brave."
She had never been involved in such a thing before, but she must have thought something about those two good friends. It was only natural that she cared about their close relationship and wanted to prevent it from falling apart.
"What was the reason for the fight? Well, if it came to such a fight, it must be a matter of love."
"Oh! As expected from Kaburagi-san. I don't know the details, but it seems that they were arguing about who had flirted with the boyfriend. Well, in the end, the guy who cheated was the guilty one, and they ended up slapping the guy's faces. That's how it ended."
"...I see."
"Men who cheat on their lovers should be severely punished! Well, at least it ended well. So never cheat on your lover, Kaburagi-san."
"I won't."
I scratched my head and sighed.
Hinamori wanted to warn me about infidelity, huh?
Maybe that's why she brought it up.
Well, as usual, she will find out for sure.
Besides, Kurusu is really good... She stopped the fight even though it wasn't her problem.
This will certainly change the way others view her.
"Hey. Then why did you say that Kurusu got into trouble? According to your story, everything was eventually settled between the two sides, right?"
Kurusu's role here was more like that of a hero who stopped the fight rather than solving the root of the problem.
If that was the case, then Hinamori was just exaggerating.
"That's the problem. Originally, the girls would have probably beaten each other..."
The word 'probably' here means that it hasn't actually happened yet.
"And Kurusu received some verbal abuse from the fighting party, but Kurusu-san's cool expression seemed to be what finally stopped them from hitting each other..."
"..."
"Her expression was really cold. And Kurusu-san's actions were praised by everyone. What's more, she coldly responded to her worried classmate's words by saying, “It doesn't matter. I am okay". She really has a strong mentality.
While clapping her hands in praise, Hinamori said admiringly.
I'm sure the people around who were watching the incident must have thought the same thing.
Unlike me, they only saw things from the surface.
"It doesn't matter, huh. You're right...that must be what it looks like."
"Uhm, is something wrong?"
"No, it's fine... Let's get this over with."
"Kaburagi-san! Don't rush."
I decided to hurry up and finish helping the student council.
◇◆ I Want to Be Patient ◆◇
"DON'T INTERFERE, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! You're usually so quiet that it's hard to know what you're thinking! You're really like a puppet without feelings!"
I still remembered what she said to me earlier, and my grip on the broom tightened.
Today was our last day in this class, but we didn't even get to say goodbye...
But at least we were able to talk more than before.
Compared to the beginning, you could say that we could finally interact normally.
I was happy about that, but... it still ended badly.
And I don't blame her for that.
I really can't do anything, I'm bad at everything and I can't express myself.
It takes courage to stop a fight. But when I think of Kaburagi-kun, who taught me so much... strangely, my body moved on its own.
I couldn't do much, but I thought of a way to help a little.
Even though they never talked to me...but they were friends...they shouldn't fight like that.
I looked up at the sky and squinted my eyes.
The sky felt brighter than usual, and I felt something inside my body rise to my face.
No...absolutely not.
I can't be sad just because of that...I have to be strong...
I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself.
If I get depressed easily just because of things like this, I'll never be a strong person.
I'll never be able to compete with Kaburagi-kun.
So...don't ever cry.
Try harder... because I have to tell him.
But he probably won't come. He won't come all the way here just to see me.
So, now...be patient. I have to be patient.
I have to be more mature...
"...Kurusu. You're so serious and great today."
I suddenly heard that voice... and my heart, which I was trying to calm down, was immediately disturbed again.
◇ ◇ ◇
After school, I left class earlier than usual and rushed to Kurusu's class.
I could feel the tense atmosphere in his class, even though I was from a different class.
But everything seemed fine.
The boy on the left side of the class apologized earnestly with a red face, and the girls looked away.
It seems that the relevant parties will sort out the rest.
But Kurusu was nowhere to be seen, and I walked around the school looking for her.
And then I found her at the back of the school, near the place where we did community service together,
(...be patient. I have to be patient)
I heard her inner voice.
"...Kurusu. You're so serious and great today."
Kurusu saw me coming, showed me her bamboo broom and thought, "I'm cleaning. Isn't that nice?".
I bit my lip when I saw the expression on her face, what I saw was no longer the blank expression she usually had, but the expression she had practiced with me.
"I want to join the cleanup too. Can I join you?"
【I can do it myself. No problem】 (No... If I show it to Kaburagi-kun now, I'll just bother him...)
"..."
(I want to cry, it's so hard and I can't control my emotions)
I kept hearing that inner voice trying desperately not to cry.
She is indeed a hard worker. She is trying with all her heart.
She's stupid, very innocent, and always serious.
But it was only because she had a strong will... not just because of her strong heart. There's no one who isn't hurt just because they don't show their feelings clearly.
I could hear her, so I found myself wanting to talk to her.
"You know, Kurusu? There's a Japanese culture that says patience is a virtue, but it's a lie."
(A lie...?)
"If you feel pain, it's okay to cry or scream."
After listening to my words, Kurusu stopped her hand movements and looked down. I put my hand on her head and stroked it gently.
I know you have trouble expressing your feelings...so the only thing I can do is──,
"Maybe it's time for you to rest."
(...Rest?)
"You don't seem to understand yet. Look, you've been doing a lot of work like cleaning, and you're probably tired from studying so much before. So take a rest. You're tired, so you can stretch your body, you can cry...well, something like that."
I smiled and offered it to her.
That way she wouldn't think she was crying on purpose. She would just be resting and leaving her negative feelings behind as a process...I wanted her to be able to think of it that way.
Kurusu remained silent, but I think she finally understood what I meant.
Her fists seemed to clench.
(Is this okay...?)
"Oh, by the way, I'm pretty tall, so I can hide you, and I can also look around and make sure no one comes. So, let's just say that I don't know what's going on, and no one else will either,"
(...Alright, just for a moment)
Kurusu fell silent and buried her face in my chest.
She didn't show any expression and I didn't hear her crying.
But her heart was filled with emotion and tears were streaming from her eyes.
She still didn't speak. She just cried softly and the tears streamed down her face.
And finally, I heard her sobbing.
"You did a good job, Kurusu. You're really kind and great. I'm proud of you. But at the same time, don't forget that there are people you can go to and show your weaknesses. I'm okay with that."
I stroked her head.
Those words must have been able to release everything she had held in her heart for years.
(Thank you. Kaburagi-kun)
Her shoulders shook and she continued to cry, so I hugged her gently.
TL: Retallia (JP-ID), Tanaka (ID-EN)
PF & ED: Retallia