Chapter 7 - I Shouldn't Have Said It
"Sorry! Have you been waiting so long? I was late because my work just got delayed."
It was after four in the afternoon on a weekend. I was sipping my iced tea alone when a woman in a simple black shirt and a big black beret sat in front of me.
Her eyes peered out from behind the beret, and her soft voice would assure anyone who heard it that she was Fuyuka Shirakaba, my childhood friend and current top idol.
"I'm fine. Did you come right after work?"
"Mn. I mean, this is the first time Ren contacted me and said he wanted to see me, right?"
"Hee, is that so."
"That's right, you know. That's why I was so happy and flew here to see you."
Fuyu-nee smiled softly.
Even for me, whose beauty standards have been thrown out of whack lately because I keep hanging out with girls like Kotono and Kasumi, I still feel a sexy aura that makes my heart pound and my body temperature rise.
Apparently, she actually came right after the photo shoot, and I was so nervous to see her makeup more flashy than usual that I felt a strange spirit coming out of me.
Even though we are childhood friends, beautiful things still look beautiful.
"But I can't stay too long because my manager will be angry if I don't come back in an hour. Oh yeah, I'm going to order some iced chocolate. It's really hot today, so it's okay now and then."
"Yup, that's okay. Really. If it's too sweet, you can exchange it for my iced tea."
"Yay! Fufufu~ It's been a long time since I talked to Ren outside."
We are in a cafe with a private room, it is much closer to Tokyo, or rather it is almost in Tokyo. Each table is partitioned, and the soundproofing is so good that we can easily hear others talking from the other table, but not the content of the conversation.
I took the train for a few minutes and came to this city to see Fuyu-nee again after a long time.
I knew that it would be very difficult to deal with the scandal of an active idol. Even though we were childhood friends, I was still a man, and even though Fuyu-nee didn't talk about it, I knew that she must have taken a lot of risks to be able to meet me now.
Since Kasumi herself won't talk about it, I have no other choice but to ask someone who might know.
As soon as I got back home, I contacted Fuyu-nee and she immediately agreed to meet me, probably because she had managed to find some time out of her very busy schedule.
I told her that this could be discussed over the phone, but she preferred to accept my first request for a meeting. Maybe she thought it was because it was the first request from her childhood friend.
"Do you want to eat?"
"Yup. You too, Fuyu-nee?"
"Of course. I'm worried about Ren. Have you been staying up late a lot lately?"
"...Yes."
"Mouu! You really like to stay up late! Well, let's talk about it next time. What would you like to talk about?"
I guessed that it was really difficult to think for a long time in front of Fuyu-nee, so I just talked about it.
"Actually, it's about Kasumi. There have been a lot of things going on at school lately with the preparations for the festival."
Then I told her in order what happened at school.
I told her that she was finally getting used to school. But then one of her classmates was bullied.
And also, how Kasumi tried to play a role of being a normal student. As well as the distortion I felt after seeing this state.
"So, I wondered if there was something going on while she was an idol that could cause her to be like that. If Fuyu-nee knows, I really want to hear it."
"...You're amazing, Ren."
"Huh?"
"You have entered Mirufy's heart, which she has not shown to anyone for a long time. So she's trying to hold it again."
Fuyu-nee smiled resignedly when she said it.
"I'm actually still a little reluctant to tell you. But since I was the one who entrusted Mirufy to Ren, I think Ren has the right to ask about it."
She muttered to herself.
"...If it makes you uncomfortable to say..."
"It's okay, really. Sorry... Wait a minute."
Fuyu-nee took a deep breath as well.
"Um, you know."
She clasped her hands tightly in front of her chest and looked nervous, her eyes wandering here and there, but then she looked directly into my eyes as if to show that she had made up her mind.
"It's my fault, Mirufy stopped being an idol."
My mind stopped, I couldn't grasp the meaning of what she had just said.
"...Huh?"
"It's my fault. Really. I'm really bad."
Fuyu-nee looked at me, who was frozen, and continued her words with a guilty expression.
"It's a bit long, but will you listen to me?"
After I nodded, Fuyu-nee took a deep breath, and began to explain.
"Maybe this is not quite what Ren wants to know but let me tell you something. She is... a genius. She could really do anything from the beginning."
Her voice was low, as if to confirm her honesty.
"She could do a dance I only taught her once. Even if she didn't master it that day, she did it perfectly the next. She sings well, she can make good facial expressions, and she never forgets to give fan service. That's why even though it was her debut concert that day, all the cheers from the fans were for her."
Fuyu-nee said it with her head down as if she was scared.
"...It was absolutely insane. The fans who came that day should already have their own idols, but they all shouted the name of the newcomer".
Then she continued her words in fear.
"Because that girl's talent is cruelty."
A talent for creating great enthusiasm.
I knew I had seen her before, when I went to Disneyland with Kasumi, even though she tried not to show off, her talent was still visible.
I wondered how much talent there was until someone thought it was cruelty, even for Fuyu-nee.
"But she's so outgoing and cute. Originally, the members of the first batch liked her, even though they realized she was a threat, but after she was promoted by the agency and selected just three months after joining, they began to envy her. You know, agencies are very selective, so of course when Mirufy came in, some of the other girls came out. So, little by little, people started to envy her."
Although cider×cider is now in its sixth generation and has more than 40 members, only 15 of them were selected to sing the theme song and perform on television.
As Fuyu-nee said, most of the selected members are trainees from the first batch, so it is really a big choice for Kasumi, who has just joined the group.
"Of course, I care about her as a first-batch member, but to be honest, I was very busy every day at the time, and I didn't think about handing it over to anyone but myself. Everyone was busy with their own things, and the other unelected members hated Mirufy. Their fans hated Mirufy too, and that's when the slander against them started to get worse. It's even worse because she was elected amid criticism that she destroyed her friends. Of course, Mirufy has many fans, but the haters have more influence."
Fuyu-nee said sadly and took a sip of her chocolate ice.
"At first I was probably just sad and depressed to see her. But I was so busy that I didn't have time to cry and I didn't have time to be nice to her. She is such a powerful girl that she thinks if she has time to be sad, it is better for her to use it to practice so that she can become even more perfect so that no one will blame her. The quality of her idol also improved over time, and she began to behave like an ideal idol for everyone... And without me knowing it, she has become an irreplaceable center in the group."
Fuyu-nee tries not to be too depressed, but not too happy either.
With a serious expression on her face, she bit her lip and continued.
"I don't know much about it, but it seems that her family didn't get along well, and soon after she moved into the dormitory alone. It's strange, too, when you think about it. Mirufy's parents live in Tokyo, and it should be that junior high school students at that age still want to be spoiled by their parents..."
In fact, she works every day, smiling on stage, and when she returns to the dressing room and dormitory, she is alone.
I don't understand how a junior high school girl can live such a life.
"Since she came to the dorm, she started to act like 'Mirufy' by ignoring everything except her idol's interests. She worked very hard at the handshake event. The center is the most popular position with the longest line of fans, so it must be very tiring, but she kept smiling and listening to everyone carefully."
"Ah, it's true. Kasumi, she was exceptionally quick in remembering the names of her classmates."
"...I'm sure of it. She always remembers thousands of names in detail."
Fuyu-nee said sincerely. She closed her eyes as if she was remembering a moment.
"So, we shook hands for about nine hours. When it was finally over, that's when... "
Then her breathing got out of sync, but she struggled to continue her words.
Her big eyes opened and filled with tears she couldn't hold back.
"Someone violently cut her hair. One of the sides of the twin-tail, which was her trademark, was cut off."
I was so shocked to hear about the incident that my breathing seemed to stop for a moment.
I was so confused, as if I had been hit on the head with a blunt object, that I couldn't get a word out.
"W-Wait a minute. But, Kasumi, I'm pretty sure that during her graduation concert, she was still wearing her signature twin-tail as usual..."
"It was a wig. She didn't want the press to make ci×ci look bad because of it. She really protected the group until the end."
"N-No way..."
I casually asked Kasumi once why she cut her hair.
Speaking of Miru Kasumi, you can't talk about her without talking about her twin-tail hair.
I'm not familiar with the idol world, but I wonder why she cut her hair, which was so famous that it became her trademark, to the point where it was as old as she was.
At that time, as I recall, Kasumi smiled brightly and said, "I was starting a new life, and I was bored too, so I decided to make a change!".
"...Oh God, that was..."
I was also sick of my own insensitivity, even though it was too late.
"And the guy who cut her hair said he was my fan."
"...Eh."
"He said that before Mirufy joined, I could sometimes be appointed as the center during concerts. Funny, isn't it? ...It all happened because of my lack of ability."
It all happened because of my lack of ability."
After Fuyu-nee said this, she blinked, and tears fell from one of her eyes like melting snow.
"After the handshake, she was so shocked that she fainted. And that was the first time she told me her problems. She said she couldn't do her best anymore. She wants to stop being an idol. I'm probably the only person in the group who is close enough to her to be able to talk to her like that, even though the tragedy was caused by my fans."
Tears keep falling from Fuyu-nee's big eyes.
"So, I tried to calm her down and tell her that it is okay to stop. It's okay to be a normal girl."
As if sinking into her remorse.
As if confessing her sin, Fuyu-nee desperately put together her stuttering words.
"After that, Mirufy really stopped."
She covered her face and rubbed her handkerchief against her cheek.
Tears trickled down the handkerchief until it was soaked with tears.
Her shoulders were trembling, and her figure looked fragile, as if it could disappear at any moment. Like a snow crystal that would melt if we touched it, so weak and fragile.
"...Fuyu-nee."
────It was the first time I had seen Fuyu-nee cry since she passed the audition.
Since then, Fuyu-nee has become the object of my dazzling and unattainable admiration. It hurts to know her activities compared to me, who has nothing to show.
Of course, Fuyu-nee has her own pain.
I didn't know what to say to Fuyu-nee who was crying in front of me. So I just wiped her tears with my handkerchief and tried my best to digest all the things I had just heard from her.
"S-Sorry. I'm sorry for crying like this. I have no right to cry. I really wanted to tell you calmly, but..."
"This is not something that can be talked about calmly. Sorry, I made you talk about it."
"It's okay. I should have told you in the first place, so it was my fault for not telling you then. I'm just taking advantage of my childhood friend's kindness."
This has always been a mystery to me. I wondered why Fuyu-nee would come to me and ask me to help Kasumi even though she had left the group. In my opinion, it is usually the family that takes care of such things.
But I finally understood.
The reason why Fuyu-nee was so desperate to ask me to take care of Kasumi was probably because of all this. This time, she didn't want to leave Kasumi alone. She didn't want to regret it anymore.
Fuyu-nee carefully wiped away her tears with a handkerchief and held my hand.
Her hands were cold like ice and a little damp.
"I think the reason Mirufy blames herself for everything that happened to her is because she thinks if she keeps it to herself, the people around her won't get hurt and it will be easier for her to feel it herself."
These words reminded me of the incident when Kasumi had hyperventilated and blamed herself, which made me unable to hide my gloomy expression.
Fuyu-nee took another deep breath and squeezed my hand again.
"But if she goes on like this, she will surely collapse this time. So, Ren, please save her."
Then Fuyu-nee took a deep breath.
"Because I can't do it."
She said it with a smile and a cry on her face.
"...Okay. Leave it to me."
Actually, I don't know how much Kasumi would count on me.
I, who was only involved in Kasumi's 'idol-like' joke, might not have been considered a friend by her.
But I'm sure of it. I wanted to get to know her better so that she would understand that I was a tough guy and that I wouldn't break down even if she put a lot of pressure on me and she could count on me.
Because we have been on the same side since that day when we formed an alliance together.
"...But you have to be careful, right, Fuyu-nee? All these slanders and jealousies can lead to you as well!"
"...Thank you."
"If you have any problems, talk to me right away. I don't think I can help you, but if you need a lawyer, I will check all the law firms."
"Your ideas have always been unique and exaggerated, Ren... Ah, hey, if I break into pieces later, will you accept this Onee-san of yours?"
I have a problem with this girl because she says these things very easily. Some things are safe to say to your childhood friends and some are not! But I couldn't say it, so I just stared at Fuyu-nee fiercely.
"You don't have to tell me. I've already gotten so much trouble from you."
"Waa, that's so mean. Your Onee-san really only has Ren-kun, you know."
"Yes, yes."
"Ah, you really don't believe that do you?"
Who would believe such words from an active idol.
Really, what's so exciting about seducing your childhood friends.
Fuyu-nee grinned, checked her watch, and said, "My makeup is so messed up. I'm definitely going to get in trouble with my manager". She complained in a joking tone and got ready to leave.
The time on my phone was 5:30 pm. It was an hour later than the time we had previously agreed upon.
"Are you sure about your schedule?"
"It's fine. I told him I might be late because he's a very serious person."
"Then this is obviously a problem, right?"
"Fufu. That's why I'm getting ready to come home with you, because I want to be with my important childhood friend a little longer."
Fuyu-nee said it and looked at my face.
"If you're tired, you can come to me. I'll spoil you. I'll spoil you so much that you will be..."
"...Just go back to work!"
"Haa, I'm so tired. Let's go home."
I wonder if all idols are like this. Of course, I would easily misunderstand them.
Now, I finally understand why idol fans go to handshake events so often.
On the way back, Fuyu-nee muttered to me,
"I didn't do this kind of thing with anyone."
That's what she said.
Fifteen years of my experience as her childhood friend told me that there was no more meaning to that word because we were childhood friends.
The sun is still shining brightly at 5:30 p.m. in early summer.
My head was melting under the sunlight from the west, which was gradually getting stronger.
Side: Fuyuka Shirakaba
“...Haa....”
After meeting Ren, my heartbeat always jumped.
Maybe it's because I'm nervous, because I love Ren, ────and because I'm so afraid that my lie will be exposed.
I can't do anything. I'm not as good or as beautiful as Ren thought I was.
I'm not a good dancer, I'm not a good singer, I'm not good at talking to people, and if I can, I'd rather lock myself in my room all the time.
I was below average in every way, and nothing worked. Still, I always wanted to be the Onee-san that my beloved Ren admired. That's why I did everything I could to be admired by him.
I'm a crybaby, and I get anxious if I don't practice. Fortunately, being a coward makes me very suitable for an idol where hard work is rewarded.
I think I can be the best here.
It wasn't until the second batch of trainees arrived that I realized I was wrong.
"You can stop, it's okay. If Mirufy really wants to be a normal girl."
I casually and politely told Mirufy that she was far from the idol I had in mind.
At that time, I didn't know that she was going to the same school as Ren.
No way, I obviously didn't expect her to say, "It's in Fuyuka-san's hometown". What's more, why did I think of taking advantage of this opportunity to be able to spend a lot of time with Ren?
Why did I let them get close to each other?
“…If Fuyu-nee knows, I really want to hear it."
My head was spinning at the sight of Ren's serious expression of concern for Mirufy.
"Why, how far will you go...?"
Wherever I go, I'm always disturbed.
I just want to be the good Onee-san that Ren likes.
I just want to be liked by Ren!
"After that, Mirufy really stopped."
Even so, I can shed tears even when it's my fault, so I'm still suitable to be an idol.
Still, Ren looked at me as if I were a very special girl.
At that point, I could be the good Onee-san I've been longing for.
I can't stop. It doesn't matter who likes me except Ren.
────Because no matter how many fans I get, I will always look for Ren in the audience.
"...I will never say that."
In reality, I encouraged Miru-chan to leave Idol because she was blocking me.
I'm living with the support of a promise I made as a child that he doesn't even remember.
I'm not a special and cute idol, but someone who is careless and a failure.
Yes, that's how it is.
I won't be able to live if this is revealed.
I remembered Ren who was with me some time ago, and I pressed my loosened cheeks.
"I will deceive you for the rest of my life."
I hope he'll never know.
TL & ED: Retallia